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If you were abducted for the purposes of using your sperm to produce an army of nazi revolutionists what would you do?

Monday, February 21, 2011

Ultimate Addictions

I have a friend who has been dealing with a serious methadone addiction. It was originally prescribed to him as a painkiller but now he needs it to get his "fix". The problem with methadone is that it stays in your system for a very long time which makes it very easy to overdose if you take another pill while the last one is still in effect. Recently he was in a very dark place and an incident occured which made him seek help. I am glad he is going to rehab but the incident that caused him to go there is rather disturbing.

A couple of weeks ago my friend was depressed and while he was high he tried to castrate himself. This is the incident that sparked him going to treatment. From this incident, I began to contemplate when it would be acceptable to self castrate. The situation I came up with is: you are being held captive and someone is using your sperm to breed an army of brainwashed nazi revolutionists. If it meant saving the world from a nazi uprising I would probably try to castrate myself.

Please leave a comment and let me know if there are any situations where you would consider self castration, or if you have any crazy stories related to addiction.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Sledge Hammer of Destiny

My friend and I were on vacation in Rio de Janeiro in the summer of 2008. We had some drinks at a pub and decided to walk home to our hotel. On our way back we were mugged for our passports and any cash we happened to have on us. I gave it up but my friend decided that 6 beers made him brave enough to stand up to these guys. Without warning one of them came from behind us and as we turned around my friend got hit in the face with a sledge hammer.

Fortunately, he survived. He spent the following year in the hospital on life support undergoing reconstructive surgeries. I am glad he is alive but he often says it was a fate worse than death and wish he would have died instantly from the hit. So I have opened up a poll to see your opinions on this subject. Please let me know your thougths of Ultimate Truth!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Sharks are not to be trusted!

National Geographic and the Discovery channel will try to poison your mind by telling you that sharks are innocent creatures who would never harm a human. The fact is that sharks are cold and hard killing machines who devour the flesh of innocent people. In order to prove this point I'm going to tell you a very true story.

One day a young boy set out on a cruise ship with his family but he was deathly terrified of sharks. He told his mother that he didnt want to go because he was scared the sharks would eat him. His mother reassured him that the captain had the safety of the passengers in mind and that he would not let sharks eat anyone. During the trip the ship passed by shark infested waters and the boy saw the sharks swimming around the side of the boat. Frightened, the boy ran to the captain's deck and asked the captain to protect him from the sharks. The captain turned around, only for the boy to find out the captain was a shark in a captain's uniform who brought them to the shark infested waters for a feeding frenzy. The shark captain ate the young boy. That young boy was JESUS CHRIST!!! That's right, a shark ate Jesus Christ on a cruise ship. They are not to be trusted, this is undeniable proof!!!

These are the words of ultimate truth!!!